In Times of Adversity

2 Peter 1:3-8 Good News Translation (GNT)

God's Call and Choice

3 God's divine power has given us everything we need to live a truly religious life through our knowledge of the one who called us to share in his own[a] glory and goodness. 4 In this way he has given us the very great and precious gifts he promised, so that by means of these gifts you may escape from the destructive lust that is in the world, and may come to share the divine nature. 5 For this very reason do your best to add goodness to your faith; to your goodness add knowledge; 6 to your knowledge add self-control; to your self-control add endurance; to your endurance add godliness; 7 to your godliness add Christian affection, and to your Christian affection add love. 8 These are the qualities you need, and if you have them in abundance, they will make you active and effective in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

We are going to face adversity. We are going to face hills and valleys. We will face the enemy, usually when we least expect it, but this verse in 2 Peter truly sums up how we should face it; with goodness, knowledge, self-control, endurance, godliness, Christian affection, and love. Wow! I don't know about you, but I fail often! (at more than one of these and on some days all of these) If I have goodness and knowledge during adversity, I may lack endurance or love. If I have self-control and Christian affection I may lack knowledge or godliness. I have learned none of these are possible without God. I have also learned from a year of reflection, counseling, and immersing myself in God's word I must be disciplined when it comes to facing adversity. You may be asking am I saying I need to be punished and the answer is no. The other form of discipline (having self-control produced by training; in this case training the mind). In the classroom, we teach using mindset training and it works. In order to be disciplined, we must practice our mindset. For me, that has meant stopping and reflecting on God's word before reacting. James 1:19 says, "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry." (NIV)

I have practiced just the opposite of this rule most of my life. Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE to talk. There isn't anything wrong with being social, but I have learned I enjoy listening much more and learning. In my past when faced with adversity I was quick to speak, but not listen. I am not one to get angry, but just like anyone when I do it's never good. I have always been one to wear my feelings on my sleeve, take things personally, be the first to get involved in an altercation to try and mend the situation, over-explain my point of view or a situation. None of these traits make life easy and usually always got me into trouble somehow.

I have faced much adversity in the past 25 years. All of it I can say was allowed or caused by me. I didn't take time to listen to God or truth be known I felt I could "help" God or "fix" the problem myself. UGHHHH!!! What a long journey to learning a very valuable lesson!! Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger (in my case get involved or get my feelings hurt). I took a break from my blog because I needed time to reflect and listen to God. The beginning of this post was written in October, but I felt with every fiber of my being that God was telling me to save the draft and walk away. I did just that and now have so much more clarity. At the time the adversity was much too personal for me to write about. I know God knew I would make it personal and that is not the intention of this blog, ever!

Life isn't easy. NO one has the easy road ALL of the time. Oh, our social media posts want us to believe we do, but we all know that we only share our highlights, leaving the lowlights in the closet praying no one opens that door. I have said before those should not be aired out on social media, but find Godly people to walk you through difficult times. I am blessed by my prayer warriors daily. Before trusting God and having others pray for me I stressed until I made myself sick worrying about what others thought of me. Knowing when I decided to share this blog I would run head-on into adversity, knowing when I decided to share my personal life I would run into adversity, knowing when I shared my finances I would run into adversity. I didn't know the outcome of any of these events, but I knew God would be there and He would love me and pick me up when I couldn't go anymore. 2019 was not an easy year, but a learning year and boy did I learn!!

If you are like me and have faced adversity or maybe some of you are facing it now, I want to tell you God will get you through and He will teach you if you will let Him. Rest assured we will face adversity and being equipped will help us to get through it.

My takeaways from 2019:

1.  Always turn to God, for everything! 
2. Understand we are human and we make mistakes. Ask for forgiveness and learn from those mistakes.
3. Realize not everyone is going to like you and that's ok. (Boy that was a biggie for me)
4. Not my circus, not my monkeys! (One of my favs from a coworker and it took me years to adopt this saying. I apply it to circumstances that aren't any of my business (like gossip or someone complaining about something or someone else). My life has been much simpler not sticking my nose where it doesn't belong. 
5. Realizing I'm the only one that knows the truth about my life (and God) and that is all that matters. 
6. Pray harder for those that hurt you because it is true that hurt people, hurt people.
7. Love like today is your very last day and find the good in life. Even when it seems there isn't any left.
8. Forgive others, even when they don't ask for forgiveness and pray for them.
9. Enjoy life to its fullest making memories! Spend as much time with those you love. We don't know when God will choose to bring us home. 
10. Strive every minute (heck every second) of every day to live with goodness, knowledge, self-control, endurance, godliness, Christian affection, and love. The Bible says, "These are the qualities you need, and if you have them in abundance, they will make you active and effective in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ."

Praying in 2020 I can practice what I have learned. I am sure I will forget some of these lessons and have to be retaught again and again. I am only human. I am challenging myself and you (if you want to take the challenge) to build up those around you, not allowing others to steal your joy, and most importantly spend more time listening to God. He will speak to you through devotionals, Bible studies, pastors, sermons, and, my favorite, through mere strangers when you are least expecting it:) I don't know about you, but I can't wait to see what God has in store for me this year! I know with Him ALL things are possible!!

Chemotherapy: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly!

I have sat idle this month and listened to God. I have heard many sermons on forgiveness and patience and thought that would be my post, but tonight as I was getting ready for bed a taste appeared in my mouth that gave me a memory I would love to forget. Chemo memories, nausea, metallic tastes:(

You are probably asking yourself what is she talking about. I could only make my body swallow certain juices when I was sick and going through chemo. The tastes of many liquids made me so sick I couldn't make myself swallow no matter how hard I tried. This past week I have been fighting my yearly kidney infection (yes I seem to get one a year and they are always heck to get rid of) and I have been drinking lots of cranberry juice. Don't ask me why this particular time and this drink sparked that taste, but it is one you never will forget.

Many have asked me my story so here it is: November 2010 I drank three sips of champagne and had the most horrible pain in my chest and neck. I was positive I was having a heart attack. I was scared to death, but soon the pain subsided and I felt light-headed. (Note: there was no phone service where we were and I didn't want to be left alone to find a phone). The next morning I felt fine but decided to call my sister-in-law, (she is an amazing midwife, but that day she was my angel, the reason I breathe, see my children grow older, and enjoy life today). I told her alcohol tried to kill me and I was never drinking it again. She laughed and said alcohol in that amount won't do that, tell me your symptoms. Well, she is our researcher and she started looking up adverse reactions to alcohol. A crazy thing happened, Hodgkin's Lymphoma popped up.

The few weeks up to my first chemo treatment were a blur. Thanks to my sister-in-law following her gut and advising with doctors who advised a CT, we discovered a mass on my heart. (the reason the pain was so intense on my heart) Now don't go researching my stats because I am not a stat person. If I remember correctly my oncologist said only 2% of patients with Hodgkin's have this reaction and 98% of them are positive for Hodgkin's. We moved like lightening from doctor to doctor, test to test and all I can tell you is our amazing God gave me peace only He could provide.

I had a partial sternotomy (I will talk about this miracle surgery another time), port placed in my chest, and began my six-month journey of 12 rounds of chemotherapy. People asked me, did you have options. Yes, I did...fight like crazy!! That was my option, my only option. I had a Kindergartener and Fourth grader and they needed their Momma.

That amazing sister-in-law I spoke about stayed out of work and drug me from doctor to doctor. Holding my hand, as I almost broke hers, while the oncologist performed a bone marrow biopsy, sat with me during my first chemos, talking me through each step, all the way to the end. I can't tell you what ABVD stands for, but she can. I can't tell you their side effects, but she knew. I didn't know they made numbing cream for my port, but she did.

Every step became a fight, a competition for me. If I am honest I didn't think I could ever recover from the initial surgery, but I did. Did you know you use your sternum when you pee? (just a humorous, or painful, sidenote there) I spent days pacing my hallway repeating, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." I know I said that verse thousands of times over the 6 months. I am just a bit stubborn and hard-headed(ha!ha!) and don't like pain meds. Well, I would sometimes wait until the pain was crazy before I would take meds and that never turned out good. I was so proud when ibuprofen became my friend and nothing stronger was needed. (TAKE YOUR PAIN MEDS AS NEEDED!!)

So to the chemo....it saved my life for sure, but I am sure the after-effects of it harmed parts of me too. I can only imagine what is in that stuff. My first few chemos were rough. I lost 16 pounds in a little over two weeks (I am not a person that needed to lose that much weight) and truthfully told God this task is going to be impossible and I can't do it! Chemo is calibrated to your weight and they don't like to have to redo it. I was told to eat anything and everything I could keep down. I did too on my good days, but somewhere after my third or fourth chemo I became severely constipated. I BIG no-no with chemo!! I literally could feel the poison burning my insides. The pain was crazy!! (Note to anyone out there reading this and going through chemo now, take the Miralax or whatever they give you). I ended up with my precious second Momma taking me to the chemo lab where they hooked me up to a morphine drip all day and the pain barely subsided. I woke up to see her on her knees praying and crying as I was near screams from the pain. Anyone who knows me knows my pain tolerance is very high. This was a crazy kind of pain, pits of hell kind of pain. (If you are having stomach pains with chemo talk to your doctor. Nexium truly saved my life!!)

I was determined to work during my treatments. I truly think we as humans must have a purpose in life. For me, my purpose was my students. I missed them so much when I wasn't teaching. They gave me joy. The wonder and pure love from them were healing. After chemo number two my hair was falling out in clumps. That is a very emotional time or it was for me. I remember being in the bath and my second Momma coming in to check on me and I was sobbing. There was literally hair floating all in the bathtub and stuck all over me. She knelt and begin scooping up handfuls and taking a washcloth and removing the stuck pieces of hair from my body (by the way modesty goes out the door when you are experiencing the wrath of cancer). She took care of me and reassured me my hair would come back. My hair had always been one of my best assets and the emotional aspect of losing it was more difficult than I imagined. The following day we decided to have a shaving party and shave my head. It was so liberating!! I think I could totally rock being bald! My showers were cut in half, no clogged drains, no nicks from razors, and no 20-minute blow-drying. The greatest gift was the day a student asked me to go bald at school and not wear a scarf. I said I would think about it. I am only human and was nervous about being bald. Do you know the following day those sweet babies went all morning and never even realized I was without a scarf? One student raised his hand and said you look good with no hair. The others were oohing and aaahing over the fact they had just realized I was bald! It was such a beautiful gift from God! I started only wearing scarves out and not at home and sometimes I even went out without one:)

I could literally write a book on my experiences (who knows maybe I will one day), but I can tell you this: whether you are facing cancer, another health issue, lost job, broken marriage, disobedient child, or just a tough life, know the one truth, the one constant is our Lord and Savior. Without Him, we are nothing and can accomplish nothing without Him. Cancer was a season, it was a chapter of my life that I am honored to have walked through. I am the person I am today because of it. Do I want to do it again? Absolutely not!! Would I? Of course, as many others have. Cancer is like anything else we face in life, it allows us to lean into God and trust Him to get us through. Don't give up! Know He loves you and no matter what you are facing, you can and WILL get through it!

"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13


**sidenote: There is so much I haven't touched on. If you are going through cancer and I can help in anyway please reach out to me. I am praying for each of you in your fight! You CAN do ALL things through Christ!

Financial Fiasco: Working Toward a Solution

“For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’”—Luke 14:28–30

A plan must be in place to work your way out of a financial fiasco. I have been working on this plan for some time now and praying for God's will. I apologize for not keeping you updated. 

First I feel I must address something many have probably wondered...my trip this summer to Greece and Italy. Well, I did make a plan for that and continued to not plan on the other finances in my life. I knew I wanted to take my daughter somewhere amazing for her senior trip. I started planning and working extra the April a year before her trip (yes, I saved and paid on this trip over a year to make it happen). It took much planning and hard work (which I will write on very soon) to budget for this trip and make it happen. Yes, I could have used that money to pay down my debt. Remember those memories I talked about in April. I would work three jobs to make the memories we made on this trip. It has literally changed my life too:)

Before the trip in June, I knew I wanted to get a plan in place for myself and set a very firm budget to get my debt paid off as quickly as possible. I talked about several options with my family and none of them seemed to be a good fit. I had contacted several companies about debt consolidation, not liking any of the options presented (thank goodness my first degree is in Business Management because some people will try to talk you into crazy things and I know just enough to know crazy) One day a co-worker shared with me how they consolidated their debt and how it had worked for their family. In the meantime, another friend and I had a very long conversation one night about their debt and the method they were using. 

Then one of the companies I had contacted called me about some options. I listened and told him I would pray on these options and call them back the following day. I loved the fact he was a Christian also and encouraged me to do just that. I told him I would not be pushed into a decision. I also researched the company online for hours. For the first time I had a peace about my options.

The following days set into place my journey to finally getting a plan and paying off my debt. With anything you do in life not pleasing to God, there are consequences to your actions. So before you think this is a utopian way to freedom, it isn't. I chose to pay my debt back, not dissolve it. The method in which I will pay it back means not using my cards (that is a great thing). It also means my credit score won't remain as great as it once was. I was super happy about this one! You are probably asking at this point am I crazy. No, I feel like I don't need to be using a credit card. Therefore not being able to get one is great! I was able to choose one card to keep and a small credit line in case there ever was an emergency while I was away from home and needed to use it. 

Let me tell you something at this point in my story...I am not a financial guru giving out financial advice. I am an everyday person who has made bad financial decisions and am doing what works for me to dissolve it. With that being said I have sought advice from some of the financial gurus and to be honest unless you are making great money and live like you are below poverty level most of the plans won't work for most of us literally drowning in debt from multiple accounts. I am not saying you shouldn't sacrifice, because you should. I did listen to one financial advisor online who seemed completely real to me! He said there isn't a one size fits all way to work your way out of debt. What works for one, may not work for another. He stated he was always very careful not to dismiss certain solutions and never make a person feel like they are at a dead end. I love that!

My humble advice for you if you are drowning in debt is FACE IT!! That is the hardest part!!! If you are married, set down as a couple and figure out everything you can cut out and if you can make headway paying off one card at a time. If you are like me and that wasn't working for you and you have cut expenses as much as possible look into ways that will work for you as a couple. If you are single (parent or not) find an accountability partner. I am not an expert by any means, but I will be happy to hold you accountable. 

Our debt DOES NOT define who we are as people and NO ONE should tell you otherwise. We are ALL sinners and I promise you the one pointing the finger needs to take a LONG look at his/her life and their sins. Digging out of any hole or hold is never easy, but I promise if you make the effort God will open the doors. I would not do anything different in my circumstances. I have learned much I can share with others and I am still learning. The enemy tries to make us believe we are failures, but we are not. We may fall, but we can get back up. 

I am praying for you my friend! Get a plan and stay on the path:)

Stars or Dots?

1 Thessalonians 5:11-15 The Message (MSG)

9-11 God didn’t set us up for an angry rejection but for salvation by our Master, Jesus Christ. He died for us, a death that triggered life. Whether we’re awake with the living or asleep with the dead, we’re alive with him! So speak encouraging words to one another. Build up hope so you’ll all be together in this, no one left out, no one left behind. I know you’re already doing this; just keep on doing it.

13-15 Get along among yourselves, each of you doing your part. Our counsel is that you warn the freeloaders to get a move on. Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet. Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs. And be careful that when you get on each other’s nerves you don’t snap at each other. Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out.

I never know when an idea for a post will come to me, but when they do I usually get a tingly feeling. You know that feeling that goes through your body like a small electric shock? Then a nudging to write about whatever the topic is.

This exact feeling transpired last Friday in my classroom while we were reading a book called You Are Special by Max Lucado. This story has a sweet lesson.  I love having the students listen to the story and then recording all the attributes that make them special.

While we were listening to the story (keep in mind I have heard this story many times) a certain part of the story stood out to me on this particular day that made me sit up and pay attention. The Wemmick's maker Eli is telling the main character why he is special, Eli said,  "" Oh, you don't have to defend yourself to me, child. I don't care what the other Wemmicks think." "You don't?" "No, and you shouldn't either. Who are they to give stars or dots? They are Wemmicks just like you. What they think doesn't matter, Punchinello. All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special."

Wow!! We are eager to judge others and others are eager to judge us, but why? In this short paragraph, Max Lucado does a beautiful job of summing up God's thoughts on this matter. He tells us we should not worry about others' thoughts, only His. Yet we find ourselves in situations where we are consumed by the thoughts of others. So much so it cripples our ability to be ourselves. To shine.

That people pleaser thing I talked about a while back feeds on this type of thought process. We tend to strive for stars, but the dots beat us down, so much so we tend to hide or cower in a corner. God doesn't want His children to feel this way. He wants us to put our trust and faith in Him and Him alone. We are all humans. We are sinners. We fall short every day!! When we begin to look to others for validation we are disappointed because one day we can get a star from that person and the next day we get a dot. Our emotions and self-worth are skewed.

On the other end of the spectrum, we much realize our actions and words harms others (our giving of stars and dots). Whether it's a friend, family member, or co-worker we need to remember our job is to build them up, accept them for who they are, love them (even the sandpaper ones), and pray for them. Our job is not to give out stars or dots. We are not worthy enough to earn that title, yet we so gladly take it on. We are to accept others for who they are and love them and pray for them, not judge them or gossip about them or make them feel bad about themselves.

I am challenging myself (maybe you want to do the same)  to listen to God's voice. To put my faith in Him and Him alone and to build up those who are so eager to be the ones to hand out the dots. Let me ask you this in close....do you live only for the stars others give or feel like a complete failure when someone throws dots freely at you or do you lean into God and listen to what He has to say about your worth? My friend God says YOU ARE SPECIAL!!

Boundaries or Brokenness

“The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18)

For people like me who want to please others, boundaries do not come easy. I have learned when we fail to set boundaries we tend to lose ourselves. 

As I sat in an airport pondering all the boundaries around me, I realized the importance of boundaries. When boundaries aren’t established we aren’t being safe. Boundaries protect us. Whether we are in a public setting or private setting, personal or professional we must establish them. 

Have you ever felt a gut feeling or some may call a red flag? You know, a signal? It’s your body telling you to be on guard. When we ignore that feeling we are ignoring a God-given sensor to protect us. We are also allowing others to break through those boundaries. Once the gate is open the gap becomes wider and wider until we no longer have boundaries. 

If I am honest I did not want to write on boundaries because I am not all that great at monitoring them, or should I say I wasn't (I am learning with some amazing coaching). I sat with my counselor awhile back telling him about an incident where I had spoken up and it didn't go very well. He was very happy and even high-fived me. I asked, "Why are we happy, again?" He said you stood your ground and God took care of the rest. He removed the situation. I sat there a minute to ponder and said, "But it didn't go the way I wanted it to go." He then explained how we set up boundaries and how it isn't about how we may want it to end, it's about God taking care of us when we stand our ground and speak up to get what we deserve. He also talked about how some people have a very difficult time respecting boundaries. This is when we lose our way. The other person inflicts their ways, ideas, or wants on us and we lose who we are and what we want in life. 

Needless to say, I felt this may have only been one of a few times in the past year I had implemented the boundary tactic, so I still wasn't convinced this was a topic God really had put on my heart to talk about.

Fast forward a week or so and I am sitting with a group of ladies and one of them is expressing her concerns over an acquaintance and how she tends to override situations when another spoke up and said you must set boundaries immediately. There was that word again, "sigh". I knew I needed to listen up and take notes. God was helping me learn and understand the need for boundaries. Fast forward a few more weeks and I am sitting on a plane talking about life and the word boundaries pop into the conversation. I listened intently at the advice because I knew God was using yet another person to teach me what He so badly wanted me to learn.

My takeaways (as I still learn) are: boundaries are created to keep us safe. When toddlers began to move a parent creates boundaries to protect them. Most of the time they do not like the boundary. They want to bust through it. They don't see the dangers of breaking the boundary, but once the boundary has been compromised dangers are being invited in. This happens to us as adults also. We don't see the dangers of compromising just one tiny boundary. What could it hurt right? Then the gate has been opened and before we realize it our life is not our own anymore. We don't even know what our boundaries originally were or how to get them back. 

Boundaries are God's way of protecting how He made us unique and different. Our ways don't need to mimic someone else's ways. No matter whether it's in the professional realm of life or personal we have different views and we should never be made to feel our views or thoughts are not valid. The moment we allow our boundaries to be compromised we are saying my thoughts aren't important. Don't confuse being difficult and not working well with others to be the same as setting up boundaries. I am not implying that concept at all. 

My last takeaway is this: if you feel you can't be yourself in the situation you are in then you probably compromised your boundaries. I have found setting boundaries may not always be easy and implementing them is sometimes even more difficult (I have found some people don't like it when you tell them your expectations i.e. your boundaries, especially if they are the type to think boundaries don't apply to them). It is ok if they remove themselves from your life or you remove them from your life. It does not mean you can't speak or be kind, it means you value your worth and know you are fearfully and wonderfully made! 

God wants to put the pieces of your brokenness back together again. Are you willing to implement those boundaries and take a chance on God? Because we know He will never leave us or take us down a path to hurt us. He wants to save our crushed-spirits! I invite you to take a look at where you are right now. Are you allowing others to break through your boundaries or are you the one breaking through someone else's boundaries? I am praying God helps us live our best lives with our boundaries intact. 

Impressing Man or Impressing God Part 2

I'm absolutely convinced that nothing - nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable - absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. Romans 8: 38-39 (The Message)

How many times have we needed this reminder? My post yesterday highlighted my struggles over the past year. With social media today we seem to compare our lives to our closest "friends", yet we know those posts are our highlight reels in life. Who wants to see the messy life? I knew the purpose of this blog would not always be to see the pretty, but the real. I knew God had called me to use my life experiences. I have been terrified, but for all the wrong reasons. While watching a Netflix special with Brene` Brown last week I realized in order to be vulnerable we must have courage. I lacked courage and my trust in God, embarrassing, but honest.

You see we allow people to see what we want them to see. I had a friend recently tell me how she saw me as being a very strong woman as I was sharing with her some struggles I was walking through. I was explaining where I was in life and she very gracefully said you will be fine, you are one of the strongest women I know. It was such an amazing compliment, but I got into my car and thought, she has no idea. She doesn't see my weaknesses and fears. We tend to go through life imagining how wonderful someone else's life is or how amazing he/she handles life. In reality, we only see what others want us to see.

No one sees "me" the days I could barely pull myself out of bed or barely go through the motions of the day when life fell apart. The nights I fell to my face begging God to explain why these things were happening to me again and again, countless tears falling to the floor. Or the endless conversations with one of my prayer warriors as they walked me through yet another crisis or rejection, trying to reassure me why I had yet another hurdle to jump through, what God wanted me to learn from it. On the outside, everyone sees this strong woman, but let me tell you I am not strong, my God is strong! I can not breathe literally and figuratively without His strength in me.

My fears of posting my struggles became my focus these past few weeks. Do you know why? It wasn't what God would think. He already knows my weaknesses, fears, and shortcomings. He sees my everyday struggles and still loves me more than I can even imagine.

People, people's thoughts were my fears. When we slip people are right there to tell us or question our faith. Question our Christianity. Of course, not everyone, not even most people, but the enemy uses one or two and we begin to think there are thousands against us. We allow the enemy to attack our confidence and trust in God. We allow the enemy's voice to cripple us.

That's when we need to begin to pray purposefully. Pray for God to hear our cries and know we trust Him even when we aren't showing it or at the time fully believing. We sometimes need to say it out loud to believe it. Especially when we feel attacked in every corner, even though our heart tells us it was lies, not the truth. Nevertheless, the struggles are VERY real.

Nothing can get between God's love for us, but us! We walk away, we turn our backs, we doubt. We must remember all of us are human. We cannot put our worth in the words or actions of other humans. God NEVER leaves our side. He sits patiently waiting for us to return to him. Doesn't it feel great to fall back into His arms?

Of course, we will fail again. We are human and sinners, remember those impurities I talked about. The wonderful thing is our God loves us with ALL our impurities. He will teach us and help us remove them if we will let Him.

The important lesson we must learn is we can't live for man's approval alone. Although most people are good; we can't live for their approval  It is important to focus on God when we least feel Him in our lives (talking to myself here) and know when life gets tough we can't listen to the enemy and instead of walking away from God we run to Him because He is ALWAYS here with us waiting to embrace us with His unconditional love.

Impressing Man or Impressing God? Part 1

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10 NIV

Don't you love how we seem to want one thing, but do another? We want God's love and approval, but we tend to work for man's. I am a people pleaser. It makes me happy when I see others happy. It is difficult for me to see others hurting or upset. It is also very difficult for me to think I disappointed someone or hurt them.

The past four years of my life have been a time for me to stretch my wings and learn to live for God truly and not for man. I didn't intend or set out for that, in fact, I can say I have lived in a bubble of sorts. God has shielded me from the outside world in a sense. I feel like I have been in a tunnel, only seeing what is right in front of me. Don't get me wrong the past four years have not been a joy ride. As I posted a couple of months ago I am now digging myself out of debt and will be for some time. (I will post more on that too.) This time has been meant for the healing and restoration of my soul.

When we live for God and not man it is almost a magical place, but it seems we don't always remain in this place. During my "bubble" period, I was only able to concentrate on God, my kids, my job, and college (The same week my marriage was ending I was accepted to college to get my specialist degree). I had so much on my plate I had little time to think about people's thoughts of me and to be honest I didn't really care what people thought or said. I was numb. I knew MY life and what I had experienced and so did God. That is all that matters. So many people have asked me how do you know what to do when life is so tough you can't seem to breathe. My answer always remains the same, "Lean on God and when His answer is all that matters then you know." (That goes for anything we do in life.) For me, this means seeking God and not everyone else's thoughts. When we concentrate on what everyone else thinks about our life we begin living for man and not God. There comes a time when boundaries must be set and decisions made. I knew I had to live with my decisions. I just prayed for protection for me and my kids and let God take care of the rest.

You are probably asking how will my experiences help you? I hope you will see how difficulty doesn't always mean defeat. The past year (June 2018) has been the hardest in this newfound life of mine. I realized my marriage could never be restored. I also woke up and decided to look at my finances and they were a MESS!! I took chances in my career and got into the world of dating. I could say all of these things were failures, but they weren't at all. They were lessons on trusting God. Looking back I feel like God placed me on my own two feet and said, "Ok it's time for you to walk on your own. I am right here beside you, but I am not going to carry you anymore." I felt this way when my mom died and when I was going through chemo. God carries us in difficult times, just like we carry our children. As a parent, we know when it is time for our children to stand on their own and experience life on their own. We are always right there to help and protect, but we know they must experience life in order to learn.

June of last year until now has been a time of experiences and more learning, some I would rather not have experienced if I am being honest, but I know I will grow from them and hopefully through Christ help others grow too. Life isn't easy and living to impress and please others can complicate things even more. Being raw and taking chances to only be turned away can be tough too, but guess what with each rejection comes a time to reflect and learn. This year has been full of rejections professionally and personally, but with each one, God has given me the opportunity to learn and reflect.

Dear friend life is tough, God doesn't promise us a happily ever after on this earth. He promises us something SO much better!! Eternal life in Heaven! How much better can it get?

 Tomorrow I will share how through failures and defeat we can be stronger, more confident in Christ.